The world as I see it, tonight.

The last few days have been very tough on me. I might be moving and there are a lot of big decisions I have to make soon. I'm very busy with school and stressed out but I'm keeping a positive mental attitude. Just got back from a 15 minute walk down the street from my house. It's so warm and clear out tonight, couldn't help but soak in the beauty. 

After a few minutes of being out there, some deep thoughts occurred. I started to think that every star that I saw was the sun of an entire galaxy. That tiny and almost unseen light in the sky was something most likely multiple times bigger than the place we call home. Every star out there is part of a galaxy that potentially has or had life on it at some point. I began to think about how small I am, we are. It's amazing to think that people in this small world of ours feel so entitled. As if they actually mean something  significant in the grand scheme of the universe. Our entire solar system is but a granule of sand on the beach of the universe. 

Tonight was a humbling experience. I've been losing touch with myself and notice days passing faster and faster. It's nice to slow down for a few minutes and just think about life. It made me think that we completely create the world we live in. We can live in a deep, dark, and treacherous world where people are out to get us and bad things are always happening. Or, we can live in a world where the people around us have depth to them, a personality. Where you mostly see light with very few black outs. Where you can do whatever you set your mind to, whatever you want to do. We create our world in the sense that the atmosphere that we're part of is 100% our doing. I have friends that I WANT in my life, not that NEED to be in my life. I choose to live in the city, state, country that I live in. I could move to Europe, drop everyone in my life, and start over if I really wanted to. 

I'm so thankful for the people I have around me. As small and insignificant our planet is, it means something to me. Being able to look out into the universe and wonder like I did tonight is something that we take for granted. This world is so small, we can do whatever we want to do. We can choose to lead a safe and steady life, or take risks on a chance to move forward and get somewhere you may never thought you could have gotten. 

I'm going to leave it off on that, just a deep thought kind of night. Much needed. 

Hope everyone reading this is doing well, Carpe Diem.

Friends or enemies?

Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.
Muhammad Ali 

Hey everyone, it's Saturday morning and I had a long day at work yesterday (11-8 PM). I'm about to start catching up on studying and trying to studying for future class sessions. I just wanted to drop off a little note.

I currently have a "friend" who has had a pretty rough life like me, same sort of childhood neglect. We actually lived together for almost 2 years in high school and became very well acquainted. He got into ecstacy and marijuana as well as various other drugs (very occasional for any other drug). He currently only smokes marijuana. But he's struggled in life, I've always been there to try and guide him and show him the way but I've been having trouble lately...

Lately, my thoughts on friend have been, "if they bring you down, let them stay down." I'm at a point in my life where my future is GREATLY impacted by what I do now. I can't afford to hang around people that are just going to bring me down. This "friend" of my, who I once called my brother, is struggling and bringing me down. He's turning 21 in a couple months, doesn't have his license, doesn't have any bills to pay, and the job he has is a job that I got him. I've sent him pictures of used cars for sale with the number that run very well but he never acts on it whatsoever. 

The last few months, the only time he texts me is if he needs a ride somewhere. EVERY TIME. I'm fed up  with it as he has crossed the line by messaging a girl that I've been talking on Facebook. This girl and I have been dating the last 2-3 months and he's never met her before. After of course telling him about my dates and encounters with this girl, he decides to start talking to her. I was texting her last night and in the middle of the text she said, "Oh, I talked to ****!" and at that point, I was angry. 

I don't have any emotional connection with this girl, I'm angry because he's never met her and is trying to talk to her now. He's made more effort to talk to this girl than he has to me in the last few months and from what I've told you, he usually only initiates a conversation if he wants something. 

I am going to talk to him within the next few days and let him know how I feel, it's hard to believe I called this guy my brother...

Lesson, evaluate yourself and your friends. You never know what might be dragging you down in life, it tends to be our friends more than anything. I've been noticing more and more and have dropped people out of my life that weren't as good friends as him but it's getting to the point where I am starting to drop what I thought were great friends from my life. 

Time to get back to the study grind, I hope this helps somebody with friendship problems they have in life. I want to be successful in life and when somebody only makes contact with you when they want something, that's not very friendly. Keeping my head up and realizing this is only a weight off of my shoulders! :)

Have a great weekend everybody! 

Our mind is stronger than we know.

Hey everyone, I'm mentally too tired to continue my life story but I'll try to get to that by the end of the weekend. So I've recently been getting into better cardiovascular shape by running longer distances. On Monday I attempted a long jog (I didn't know how far it was prior to the run) that ended up being 6.5 miles. I was dead after but it felt great to successfully complete something that I'd never done before. So yesterday I had school until 3:00 PM and then went to the gym, came back home to study and finish homework, and then went on a run at 11:00 PM...

This run was a little bit different, I wanted to push myself until failure. I wanted to make myself quit, meet adversity face to face. So I set out on a jog with my iTouch, smartphone, and earbuds. I didn't know how far I was going to jog so I started my jogtracker app and started the jog. I felt great, ran for about 3.25 miles before I checked how long/far I'd been jogging. I decided to continue on...

Every step I took, I was going to have to retrace, meaning my jog back was the same distance to the turnaround point. So I set a street that I wanted to run to and eventually reached it, at 4.87 miles. As I stated earlier, I JUST started getting into better cardiovascular shape and the 6.5 mile jog on Monday trashed my body. So I stopped for about 60 seconds and then started on my path back home. I ate enough food for about a 3 miles jog so at the 1/2 way mark, my body was out of free floating energy. I found a motivational video on Youtube and pressed on....

At about 7 miles, I really started to doubt myself. I'm very into nutrition and fitness and KNOW that I didn't consume enough energy or my body to excel through the run, I was going to hit a wall. Every step I took, I was searching for a drinking fountain, wanting to wet my mouth so badly. At about 8 miles, my steps seemed to become smaller and smaller. My head began to feel different and I wanted to stop. My knees ached, my calves burned, and my throat was dry as ever, but I continued. I wanted this jog to break me, to make me quit, make me cry; I wouldn't let it.

I want to shout out a big thanks to Blink-182, Incubus, and Will Smith. I can't even begin to explain how many thoughts ran through my head during this epic run. I began to think about how little pain people want to go through. How little we are willing to sacrifice in order to be successful. I wanted to set myself apart, be different, express myself. I was unsuccessful at breaking myself, but the exercise worked my mental strength more than anything.

It's amazing to see how powerful the human mind is. We make excuses everyday on why we haven't completed something or progressed in life but it's all up to us. It's as simple as doing it. One quote that got me through the run, motivates me, and gives me chills is one by Will Smith.

“The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there's two things: You're getting off first, or I'm going to die. It's really that simple, right?

I successfully finished the longest jog I've ever don at 9.74 miles in 1:41 minutes. My pace is nothing special but what matters is that I didn't quit. I couldn't quit. Next time you think you can't do something, think again because our minds are a lot stronger than we know.

Have a great night everyone, I hope this helps at least one person out there. Feel free to comment on this and/or +1 or share it with your friends. I'm trying my best to reach as many people as possible.

Thank you for taking the time to read this,

Josh

A little bit about me: Part 1.

Happy Wednesday everybody! So this will be my 4th post using Blogger and I'm still trying to get the hang of this. I'm trying to positively influence others to excel through their daily life with a positive attitude and a goal in mind. This not only helps me excel through my daily life but it makes me happy to influence others. I want to attain a sort of fan base of regular readers so I want to let you know a little bit about my personal life.

     My parents were never married. My father was 22 and my mother was 20 when I was born, they were both drug addicts (and currently still are as far as I know). I grew up in and out of meth houses, hotels, cars, etc. while I was under the "care" of my parents. At the age of 2 my grandparents (fathers parents) fought a custody battle over me so my mother could not have full custody over me (she lived in her fathers house which was a meth house, people in and out on the daily, drugs being sold and done inside the house at various times of the day every day). Thankfully, they won the custody battle and a new path was made for me to go down. I lived with them while my father got sober, I went to my mothers every week and was regularly neglected. I'd always go back to my grandparents in the same clothes I went in (unwashed) and most of the time sick and hungry. My father was in and out of my life while I was living with my grandparents and this was tough.

     My father went to rehab, met all the requirements the court had, and obtained custody over me (was about 4). My father quickly relapsed and a quick slope of neglect came my way. He mentioned that he was going to move out of the state to my great aunt (while he was high on drugs) and she gestured to him that they would take care of me so he could do his thing. At the age of 4, I moved in with my great aunt, uncle, and cousin (who has down syndrome and is 18 years older than I). This was the closest thing to family that I had ever had, it was not normal to me. I was a very insecure child and always aware of my surroundings, constantly looking around the room and knowing when somebody entered and who was in the room. My great aunt told me that there were multiple times when I would have a little stash of food in my room (at the age of 4) because I wasn't used to having food and never knew when my next meal might be.

   I didn't see my mother again until I was about 6 or 7. I went to her house every other weekend for a few days and visited. As I mentioned, my mother and father were into drugs. At the time, I never even knew what drugs were but I did recognize that I was always in a dirty/unclean environment and that I wore dirty old clothes that were always too big on me. Looking back, I realize the impact the drugs had on everyday life for me as a child and on my mother, who probably didn't give too much of a care about me. This went on until I was about 8, it turned into me visiting her once a month, once every couple months, and then I finally stopped seeing her when I was about 10 years old.

   All the while, my dad had met and married a woman who I now call my step mother (even though her and my father are no longer together). They moved in together when I was about 6 and she had a daughter that was a year younger than me. My father never knew how to take care of me, I moved straight in with him from my great aunts house (where he rarely came by and never knew how to take care of me in the first place). I was happy to be around my father, though. He worked 9pm-5am in a warehouse and made a decent wage, only problem was that he slept all day and whenever I saw him he was irritable. That's one thing I'll always remember about him when I was a child, he rarely had patience for me and seemed to be irritable most of the time. I'm going to skip most of this because I respect my step mother very much for taking care of me but she didn't go about it the best way and I think that affected me negatively in a way growing up as a teen.

    Her and my father divorced when I was about 12 and my father moved in with his new girlfriend a few months later. This lady had two children, a daughter a year younger and a son that was about 3 years younger than me.

Note: Growing up, my family never had much money. None of them were too educated but they were very hard workers. My father never made a respectable wage but I respect him for working his ass off every night to provide for his family, something my mother never did.

So my fathers new girlfriend didn't have much money either, she lived off of the government (illegally) and didn't work a day in her life as far as I know. She spoiled her children as much as she could from the money she obtained when her mother died and the money she regularly got from the government. I was always on my own in a way growing up and never thought too much of it. I came and left as I pleased, riding my bike to  whatever destination I wanted. After living there for about a year, she sold her mothers house and moved into a small mobile home park. She had a brand new home built that we were all to move into.

This is a more recent part of my life that I really take from and see as a big adversity in my life...
We moved into her newly built house, it was small but nice. She had 3 bedrooms built but here's the twist, I didn't get a room. Her and my father shared the master bedroom and then each of her children got their own room. She made sure to build me an uncarpeted/uninsulated room in the garage, it was 9x4 feet. This may be smaller than some of your closets. Lol. There was enough space in the room to fit a folded up futon and a small T.V. stand for my television. I had a small dresser outside my room and that was it. Life got a little bit harder when we moved into her new house. She began to treat me worse, restricting me from doing certain things in her house. She wouldn't allow me to eat any of her food (my father never bought food and he ate her food), began locking her fridge, and regularly told me that my father didn't love me. She thought I was jealous about how she treated her children, saying that she loves them and smothers them with her undying love and affection while my father didn't show me much love at all.

I would find myself buying my own groceries with whatever money my family would give me for my birthday and Christmas. I don't know many 12 year olds that buy their own groceries at that age. I lived there for a couple years until high school. I played baseball my whole life and wanted to try out football in high school. Over the summer going into freshman year, I made friends with somebody I had known through out my life but never actually talked to him. He lived right behind my high school and I would go over to his house after football and play video games (much better than riding my bike 2 miles home with all my gear after practice in the dark). I spent numerous days at his house and finally his mother asked me about my situation. I explained and she asked if I would like to move in with them and explained that they would take care of me. This was my chance and I took it.

I'm going to leave off there for now, I need to get to my studying and I've spent a while on this passage. I constantly reflect on my life and I think it's something good to do as regularly as you can.

If you forget your past, you might as well forget who you are. Our past makes us who we are today, whether you want to believe it or not. I never want to lose sight of what I went through in life and how far my journey has gone.

Have a great day everybody, I'll try to get another post in today. If not today, then sometime over the next couple days. I have my first exam in environmental biology tomorrow and I'm shooting for straight A's in my 6 classes this semester.

Carpe Diem!

Something as simple as a run

I've been at my cousin's house for the last couple days, celebrating his 21st birthday (which is today). I don't normally drink but since it was an occasion, I had a couple drinks. Being into a healthy lifestyle as I am, I'm usually at the gym 5-7 times a day, sometimes twice a day if time permits. I recently came down with a cold so lifting was out of the question, a jog was a bit more acceptable.

Recently I've been trying to improve my cardiovascular health by jogging more often and have gone on a few 5+ miles jogs. The more cardio I do, the easier it gets. Go figure haha.

So I woke up this morning and decided on a 2-3 miles jog...turned into a 6.5 miles jog. This took me about 61 minutes to complete and 2/3's of the jog was up hill. The beginning was downhill and very enjoyable, I had a sickening smile across my face the whole way down. During that hour of jogging, I went deep into thought...

Jogging downhill was so pleasing because it almost felt effortless. When life is easy (coasting downhill) we're happy and it's enjoyable. Once I got to the turning point (3.25 miles in), I rested for no more than 10 seconds...I didn't want to stop the journey. The remaining 3.25 miles was uphill, a very steep uphill battle at that. After turning around, the deep thoughts took over even more and I fell deep into thought. I remebered how everything prior to the turning point was pretty easy and felt amazing, giving me a large smile across my face. The uphill trial begins...

I thought about how strong our mind must be in order to be successful. About how success is deliberate and intentional and doesn't just happen by luck. The site and thought of beginning this battle began to take it's toll but I quickly turned my thought process around. It's as simple as changing you thought process on the situation. Instead of thinking about how hard this was going to be, I saw it as a challenge. I've never overcome such a treacherous run before but this would be a medal to my showcase. Step by step, I trudged up the mountainous hills of Corona. I saw countless people looking at me as they drove by, I enjoy being the only jogger in site during my entire run. Hoping to motivate the 2/3 of our population that is considered overweight.

After I got home, the reflection continued and I felt great about the jog. Thinking about the lesson retaught to me through exercise. Life goes well at times and is bound to go bad at some point. You can choose to either look at the situation presented to you with a negative approach or you can choose to handle the situation as well as you can and excel through it, coming out victorious. We are the masters of our own fate and determine what we'll accomplish in life, some of us just need a little motivating to get there.

Goals: The beginning.

Hey everyone, this is my second post for my blog and I'm excited to get it started! Everyone or anyone who reads this, please feel free to comment on it and provide feed back or your thoughts on my posts. I currently have 6 classes and 16 units in my last semester in the community college system and will be moving to a university next fall, trying to get my first semester of having straight A's! I graduated high school with under a 2.0 GPA and currently have a 3.07 GPA and rising in college.

Staying on track isn't as hard as we make it out to be. In my time, setting a goal and obtaining it has been the best method for success for me. I set a number of goals, small, medium, large, long-term, short-term, life goals, etc. That way, I'm always achieving something and constantly receiving the feeling of satisfaction and progress from something I completed. I'm into bodybuilding as a hobby and am constantly trying to perfect my body. Not for anybody else, but for the personal satisfaction of reaching goals that I've set for myself. My goal is to finally have the "summer body" this year. I've been chubby my whole life and reached 230 pounds at 5'8 through high school. I'm now a leaner 185 at 5'9 (didn't grow much in high school haha). I've started by having a daily goal of successfully matching the diet I've set for myself, I don't always reach it but when I do, I notice the results and it feels good to stick to my word.

I'm still trying to get used to blogging, never really done it before. Hope this helps somebody!

Until next time,

JSS

My First Post and Attempt To Make Followers

     I've created my first blog and would like to stay anonymous, at first. This is an experiment to see how many people's lives I can influence via the internet. I'm currently in my third year in community college and will be transferring to a four-year university next fall. I rent a room, work part-time, and pay all my own bills. I moved away from my parents in my early teen years for an adventure away from abuse and neglect. I had a very bleak outlook on life and changed it all about two years ago. I understand the hardships and adversity that life throws at us. I've learned to handle it in a very unique fashion that allows me to help others. I use quotes, life experiences, and deep thought to keep me excelling in the right direction. Positive vibes are also another tool I use to stay motivated and happy through the days. I want to wrap this post up right now so I can find out how to traffic people onto follow my blog! Please tell others, I'll be posting a few times a week and it will be motivation/inspirational blogs as well as personal blogs. I'm here to help you, which in turn helps me :)